Did you say 4cm !!

23rd March...

Started off like any ordinary day except Boris had placed us in a National lockdown.

I never thought about the impact this would have on our pregnancy because our son wasn’t due till the 23rd of July, so as everyone else i probably thought about how it was going to effect me seeing my friends, going shopping, and stopping me from getting a nice cold pint.

Anyway, my day was going alright, my daughter and I were sitting with a lovely take away pizza and we were just enjoying some father and daughter time.

All of a sudden around 5pm I got a call from a number I didn't recognise... I answered it and it was Frances' sister.

"Hello, you alright?" I asked. She responded with a worried tone in her voice whilst trying to be reassuring in a calm manner and I instantly knew something wasn't right.

My mind didn't necessarily go straight to the pregnancy, I mean she's not even 23wks so I just thought it couldn’t be that.

"Is Frances OK?" I asked, presuming she’d had an accident or something along those lines, and that's when her sister said

"I don't want you to worry but Frances is in hospital"

So many questions went through my head in seconds while she began to explain Frances had experienced some bleeding and cramping when she got home from work but she was alright and the staff are keeping an eye on her.

My heart sank... I didn't know what to think... was my baby going to die? How is fran doing? Who is with her? 

I need to be there...

But covid...

After a few hours I got through to her mum who was at the hospital with her.

Unfortunately Covid restrictions were about to take full control over my involvement with the whole pregnancy. I couldn't go to the hospital as restrictions had been put in place which meant only 1 person was allowed to be in with Frances.

Anyway, as I spoke with Fran’s mum, it turns out that my worries and gut feelings were pretty much bang on.

Our son was fine; good strong heart beat, but the main concern was Frances.

she was seen by a Midwife who examined her and noticed she had a bulge in her membrane. He then wanted a doctor to come and see her. After the doctor came and examined her, he told her it wasn’t good news. He confirmed that she had a bulge, and said she was for 4cm dilated. He our son’s head was 5cm (5cm what?!!) and there was less than 50% chance he would make it. He said she would go into labour within 3 to 10 days. To try and prevent this happening, the doctors put her on a bed at an angle so that her legs were higher than her head to let gravity do its work and try to keep him in for as long as possible.

So, she was 4cm dilated and had buldging membrane.

This was shocking... I know about dilation from the pregnancy with my daughter, and this did not fit with what I knew. 

She shouldn't even be dilating!

My Google search history was completely scattered as I was looking at baby survival rates at 22+4 and looking at procedures to assist in keeping the cervix closed. By the end of the day, I could have been in the running for a junior midwife position considering the amount of research I had done.

However, by this point there was no real feasible solution as her membranes were too sensitive and too exposed. One mistake and our son would be born there and then.

The one goal was to keep him inside the womb as long as possible.

While she stayed on bed rest in hospital, we made the decision that I would stay home and let her Mum stay with her.

I was (and still am) a key worker and still had to bring in money.

Furthermore, I lived 30 minutes away from the hospital and didn't drive so it made sense for her Mum (who was 5 minutes round the corner) to stay with her. I could only speculate that as much as she would have wanted me there, it was her first pregnancy and with this situation going on I felt she would have wanted her mum.

If there wasn’t a global pandemic going on, we could have both been there, but covid had well and truly messed that up.

Next, we were left with a decision we wish we never had to make. We decided that if our son made his entrance to this world this early, we would agree to all the medical procedures that would try and save his life if they were viable. We were left thinking “would the doctors even try considering 22wks gestation is the legal cut of point?”

We together made the decision that we would leave it to the professionals... I mean they know best, they have seen this before.

After this conversation I spent the night with my phone next to me. I dont think I slept that night apart from maybe an hour or so.

My life was changing, I could be a father again at any minute, I was emotional, I was crying, again my Google search was frantic... ‘earliest baby’, ‘baby survival rate’, ‘prematurity’, ‘micro preemie’, etc flooded my search history.

Then I had to start telling the family. I felt like I couldn't cope, but I had to; if Frances could stay strong then so could I. 

 

My mind cast back to the scan and I thought was it something to do with that? Was there anything missed? I kept thinking “shit we should have just accepted the offer for further tests”.

I beat myself up about it... I mean I felt as about as crap as you could possibly feel.

I just wanted to be with Frances but I couldn't.

3 days later ..... 23+0