Digression, 9 (where had me and frances gone ?)

Starting from the biginning of our journey with oliver, we knew this wasnt going to be an easy road, but it was one we was going to see through.

However, after 2 months + or 70 some odd days in total of our Nicu journey so far, the stress started to show. Mysef and frances were beginning to crack, and in fairness we had every right to. Im sure the signs of stress started to show probably early on, but now being in eachothers pockets and being away from home, it was starting to effect us in ways we didnt think it would.

The first signs of us begining to crack i would say is, some how we would be a little snappy with eachother, not being mean or horrible, but it seemed our tollorence levels where wearing thin.

With all the emotions built up around oliver it was only time before it started to have an effect on our relationship. As the days went on and our time in london was forever extending, this also played a factor on us begining to crack. With lockdown stopping us from having any such enjoyment, myself and frances found ourselfs either at the hospital or in a small room back at the Ronald mcdonald house. 

Again i still had to return home to work, so frances being on materninty leave occationaly had to stay in london by herself, away from family, away from me. This also went vise versa, on a rare occation i would stay in london for 4+ nights on my own just so frances could have some sence of normality at home, but knowing Oliver still had one parent with him.

Soon after i belive for me it turned into furstration, i just wanted to go out and do something normal, i wanted us to be the normal couple, just Ethan and Fran again. It was hard for me then as i didnt realise that frances might not have wanted to go out, but at the time i just thought she was being misserable. Again we didnt really talk about how eachother was feeling, so it was only a matter of time before the bottled up emotions popped.

I suppose looking at it now, i was a contributing factor to adding un-neccecary stress onto our relationship. Without knowing, or feeling like i had the best of intentions, me pestering frances to go out or participate in something she didn't feel up to do could have easily been a contributor to the stress we was feeling, but heins sight is a wonderfull thing. I guess you have to go through something to make you realise, and now, i would say the experiences have helped me grow as a person, but also as a partner.

In a sence i think it goes to show how strong our relationship was at the time because even tho we bickered, we never really had any arguments so to say, i would probably go as far to say we didnt argue, we just got lost a little.

I did find it very sad at times, i remeber just thinknig to myself "where had me and frances gone". What i mean by this is, no sooner did we get back together, Oliver was born, then we had this whole experience we was going through, we didnt get a chance to be us. I think for me that was the saddest part, i just wanted us to be the couple i knew we coud be. 

Any way moving on, we got the news, "Eat out to help out" for me and frances this was like a miracle. This lifted our spirrits and i found frances wanting to go out and explore london a little. With this we could leave the room we was in, we could be like a normal couple just visiting london. Although we new this was never the case, but at times we did just go out and get a burger and it was lovely. I remember the sun shinnig and we would just walk about holding hands. I would propably say this helped our relationship alot, as in some sence we was free, well as free as you could be in restrictions.

This said, at times we did still snap a little, but not as much or as often. I think my advice for any one going through this, or has just been through it, take time for eachother, you are eachothers support and without this it is so easy to fall and crumble. 

There will be more on this and how going foward it effected us even more, so please stay tuned.