31st July: broviac line and Laser eye surgery.

31st July: By now things were still up and down, everything that had been a problem was either on its way to being better or throwing us new problem's.

Oliver didn't seem to be to fussed tho, weather it was the morphine or he was just relaxed, he would just lay there content.

By now he had, had so many blood transfusion to date I had lost count, but he was having one this day when I came in.

Sitting with Oliver was one of the best feelings in the world, but you was always weary of what was going to be next. There was always this looming sence of anytime something bad can happen. An unhealthy mix of stress and anxiety in this situation was always with me.

The nurse came over to me while I was sitting with Oliver and she explained that he will be needing a routine surgery to input a new line. (Broviac line)

(A Broviac is a type of central line that allows for long-term access to blood. There is an entry site where the catheter enters the blood vessel and an exit site where the central line comes out of the body. The Broviac has a cuff under the skin near the exit site.)

This was so he could be easily medicated without the use of traditional cannula, although these were still used.

Surgery being a fast acting trigger word for me I found myself getting to the panic stage, and when I was given the form to fill out it only made it worse. Of course I signed it to give them permission to do it, but just the thought of more surgery, big or small, I just hated it.

For information purposes the line was fitted just fine without any complications. 

3rd August: Olivers feeds were stopped due to green asperates, they believed this was caused because of the surgery putting in the Broviac line.

It always seemed like a step back when his feed were stopped. How was Oliver supposed to get bigger and build wight without being fed.

Many questions that I had on my mind, but there was far more important things to worry about. 

Looked as tho Oliver would need Laser eye surgery after all, more to come on this.

Oliver was weighing in at 5.732lbs, it's funny because he still looked so small. The odd feeling for me was how far he still had to go to get out of hospital knowing his weight is catching up with that of a full term baby.

Anyway I managed to get in some more cuddles.

I held him for along as possible on this day, I remembered being there for at least 6hrs. Oliver was so relaxed, the machines rarely beeped and he was so content. That feeling of being able to hold your child, I wish I could go back and just appreciate it even more than I did, but knowing I can't fills me with a pain I can't heal.

4th August: A horrible day for me, but worse for Oliver.

Today was Laser eye surgery day, I don't do eyes as you know. I googled everything to do with Laser eye surgery and that was a big mistake. I advise people to just not look lol, what you don't know don't hurt, but I'm nosey and I like to know what's going on, so that's my downfall.

The update was that the Laser eye surgery was successful. A few days later I got told that it looks to be reversing and the big angry blood vessels at the back of his eyes had completely gone.

This was such a relief to me as the worries around his eyesight was close to the top of my list.

Still we couldn't tell if he could see or not due to the hole in his optical lobe, as of then we could only wait and when he got older go from there.

I also had a little play with Oliver, he had his little rings that he would try and pull apart. These had 2 functions, 1) It was a form of physiotherapy, that they wanted him to do.

2) Most importantly it stopped him pulling on his tubes.

Next: was that a smile.