Demelza after care & cold cot

After the loss of Oliver and in the previous blogs, you all know that he was due to come to the Demelza hospice.

Well Oliver arrived there the day after he passed, and we received the phone call that morning saying we could go and see him. 

Apprehensive

I wasn't sure if I wanted to go and see Oliver, the thoughts crossed my mind, would he look the same as when I left him in hospital, and what would be different.

It was the unknown that made me extremely anxious, and I did speak to Frances about this. 

I had, had this perfect image of him not only the day before of him so peaceful and calm looking that I didn't want to poison that image with another one that wouldn't look the same.

I didn't even know if I wanted family to go and see him, I didn't want my son to be a show thing to just go and see, but at the same time they were his family and had the right to pay respects.

In a brief conversation myself and Frances decided that family could come and see Oliver one last time. The nice thing is that this time around he didn't have any wires or tubes, this aloud us and our family's to see Oliver and his beautiful face.

I did decide to go and see Oliver, but only if some one went in first to see if he was any different, and frans mum done this. She came out and said he looks like he did in the hospital, so I went in to see him.

The first thing that hits you is the coldness of the room, the spine tingling, hair raising shock of bitter cold.

Standing there with Frances and her mother I remember just tearing up. I don't know what tears they were, some sad I guess and some content that he was at peace, but some because he did look the same way i left him at the hospital.

We were advised that we could pick him up and hold him if we wanted to, but we decided against it.

Me and fran decided we didn't want to, and we decided we didn't want anybody to either.

I think we also agreed we didn't want him to be touched.

I do remember just touching his cheek with the outside of my finger, and the feeling of his cold skin is a feeling I will never forget. If I try I can still feel that bitter coldness on my finger and I didn't like it, so I'm glad we didn't let others touch him.

Laying there, in the same baby grow that we had seen him in the day before was surreal. The thoughts of, only yesterday he was in our arms alive are thoughts i try not to think about, but are very prominent in my mind.

We agreed for him to be in the baby grow up to and even during the funeral service. (Blog to follow) 

We had already decided he would be cremated and he would wear this.

Over the next few days family came up and spent time with Oliver, Rose didn't and I'm glad because she wouldn't have understood.

On the second day, I spoke with the lady who was looking after us and said please could you call me if there are any changes with how oliver looks. This was because I didn't want to go in and be upset with any changes. On the morning of the 3rd day she called and said he is now starting to look different, then and there I decided not to go, and I belive we all agreed that, that was it for us. Oliver was then going to go to the funeral home and arrangements were being made for when he was going to be cremated.

During the time between Oliver leaving Demelza and being at the funeral home, myself and Frances made some photo frames with some of olivers items and made some keep sake boxes with other bits. I guess this kept us occupied for a while, as below you can see a variety of his hats that he wore throughout his hospital stay. (Not all) 

You can also see his first vest he wore and the last baby grow he wore before being put into his last baby grow.

Also some wires and stuff, with a memory card with all his photos from mine and fras phone. 

A quick thank you

The Demelza team were so helpful in there ways of giving us privacy, but also in the way we, and oliver was treated. The team at Demelza are still looking after me with the bereaved dad's group that I attend occasionally and as a family we are grateful for there input and kindness.

Next, funeral day.