digression pt 3 bereavement

I apologise for the amount of digressions, but I feel sometimes I have to take a break from my story because life is full of odd little moments.
Some are good some are bad.
Take last night for example, I'd had a good day at work and got home felt OK.
I had a shower, felt refreshed, felt happy and then all of a sudden it was like a grey cloud just covered my thoughts.
I knew what was happening as it has happend before.

I'm having a moment... I feel like im there 
I can smell the smells, I can feel the air 
I see what's in front of me 
For a second I'm living it again...
It's a blessing and a curse (??) 
Fuck bereavement!!

I'm not a psychologist, neither am I a medical doctor, so I'm not sure what you would call these moments.
Could it be I have PTSD?
sometimes I do feel like 2 different people 😕
Can trauma such as mine bring out psychological illness?
Answers to questions I actualy don't want or to scared to find out.
I never accepted counciling as I felt, and still feel, I don’t need it as what I'm feeling is perfectly normal.
But it's not normal for a normal life 😕
I have a ‘bereavement meeting for dad's’ coming up soon, so I'm hoping this might clear up some of these things for me.

I can’t promise that there won't be more digressions as I feel I need to write what I'm feeling when I feel it.

I have a few life problems at the moment, one is having no where to live 😕
So at 30 years old I'm back with my mum.
This makes things hard to grieve as I need my own space to be able to express myself. Anyway, I digress from my initial digression. 

Back to the story... the next 24 hrs

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