21st july: eye update and belly (beginning of breathing situation)

21st June: This is only going to be a short blog post as this is the calm before the storm so to speak.

Oliver was scheduled for another eye test, this was to see if there have been anymore deterioration in his eyes. Going back from the 16th June with the suspected stage 2 ROP, it was likely Oliver would need some sort of intervention from the doctors. This could be laser eye treatment or something else.

Not overly concerned as it was a routine procedure if this was the case, but just the thoughts of poking him about and anything to do with eyes to be honest makes my belly feel funny. Anyway the docs were going to discuss options and let me know.

22nd July: Funny video of mouth care.

Sometimes Oliver was just so funny in the way he reacted to certain things, such as the mouth care.I remember having joke with the nurse and telling Oliver, just you wait till you try some chocolate or sweets. 

Oliver had only ever had little bits of breast milk around his mouth and dabbed onto his tongue, so the thought of him one day being able to take a bottle was a day I couldn't wait for.

23rd July: Olivers due date 

What an odd day, was it a day I celebrated or was it just another day. The emotional feelings around this day were very imbalanced.

Feelings of, if he had arrived today would he have been fine, would we be taking home a healthy baby today.

Would we be giving Oliver 2 birthdays or one, and just some general mixed feelings.

Nothing can prepare you for these feelings, overthinking had become a norm for me now, and has effected my life evem up till now.

24th July: Oliver went down to see a specialist today about his air way. He will need to have a camera put into his throat due to having problems breathing without his breathing tube, also bubble cpap and other ventilation assistance.

The aim is to see if there is any obstacles that may cause him to struggle, every time they tried with a different ventilation he would struggle, so this was necessary.

This was just another obstacle that felt like a set back, if we couldn't sort his breathing out what would be the next step. Worried and just back to reality that Oliver wasn't a well baby, put me in a position of denial. For a while Oliver was doing rather well, it's not that I had false hope from the hospital, but I had given myself that false sense of security believing a few good days meant he was doing well. As I said the reality of it was he wasn't well, and I had to accept this.

Anyway I wasn't to find out what was up with his air way until a few days later as it needed a few specialist to view the situation. 

(More to come about this)

(This info about his air way came after the news paper article, up until now Oliver was doing well and was on track to go home)

26th July: 5.181lb 

Oliver with his eyes wide open, looking so content, I never knew if he was looking at me or just around in general. With the hole in his brain and the stage 2 ROP what could he see, if at all.

I liked to think he was looking at me, as I spoke to him all the time and would play music, so for him to Sometimes open his eyes and stare strait at me was a feeling of a deeper connection that I cherished.

27th July: seeing Oliver in the afternoon and having a look at his belly, I could see that the dressing was off.

This was due to the doctors coming around and removing some of the stitches as you can see in the photo below.

1 stitch was left in and as you can see there's a red mark where a stoma bag was placed over the top of the wound. This was to catch some of the discharge, and keep it from making the dressings to wet.

The doctors all agreed that he could be tried on some milk, but only very little. There only concern was that now he will be fed, it may force some of the gunk that's sitting in his bowel through. The feeds were going to happen every 4 hours, and a scan was scheduled to check the bowel, just in case the removal of the stitches caused any agitation.

Next: The air way !