⚠️⚠️⚠️30th June: graphic image and stoma reversal surgery update. ⚠️⚠️⚠️

Just a quick warning ⚠️,  this blog post has a disturbing image, along with some honest thoughts that some might find disturbing.

27th June 2020. With everything that had been going on with Oliver, from being front page of the Sun and all the ups and downs we had faced. Today was a day of reflection, today was the day me and Frances had been together for a whole year. The struggles and stress we had been through and we're still going through was hard. Again going back to my digression blog, there will be more on this, but for now, we were happy celebrating a whole year together.

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From now please be causious, disturbing image below.

30th June: Oliver was still unwell with fighting of the infection, but was weighing in at 4.189lb so progression was there, albeit slow.

Sitting with Oliver, the nurse came over to her computer screen, the ones at the end of the incubator. She was met by a few other nurses on the ward. As they all gathered round I could hear them mumbling about Oliver, but I couldn't make out what was being said.

As it turns out the surgeons had been up for the morning rounds and decided to check on Oliver, this was just before I arrived. They wanted to check his surgery wound, all I can say is I'm glad I wasn't there in person. 

As I spoke with the nurse after the other nurses had dissipated, she called me over to her computer screen.

Already anticipating bad news, as this was a usual thing for me by now, I said what's seems to be the problem. 

She went onto say that his infection markers are still high, but the antibiotics seem to be working, but slowly.

I already knew this would be the case as its always been the case many times before.

Thinking that was all the news, there was an accward pause. As I went to walk back to sit with Oliver, the nurse said "Mr Ryan, there's one more thing".

Panicked and confused, I said OK what isit. The nurse said that when the surgeons come round to look at olivers surgery wound, they had said it had opend up slightly. 

Thinking right ok what does this mean exactly, I asked the dredded question, I asked if I could see the wound.

The nurse said Oliver is all comfortable, but I have a picture on my screen that the surgeons took, but it might make you upset.

With everything else we had been told I thought I would be strong enough to look at this, at the end of the day I wanted to know what was happening with my son, good or bad. 

As I looked at the screen, I couldn't belive my eyes. My heart sank and I just had this overwhelming fear.

I couldn't focus on anything, I looked at the screen and all I could think was, I need to show frances. I didn't know how she would react, I was so scared for my son and I genuinly thought, this isn't right. As I took the photo I was in disbelief, I couldn't belive I was looking at my sons stomach. It was red and angry, the skin looked so sore. How Oliver was laying there and dealing with this I will never know.

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After looking at the photo, I can remember just feeling so guilty that we had consented to this, but we didn't have a choice, it needed to be done.

The nurse said that they are not to concerned as it's common for a wound to open a little, and they will be using medi honey to promote skin growth. This will also aid with infection.

I myself wasn't convinced, I spent so much time with Oliver this day, with just the image of his wound going round my head, but here is another picture of him settled.

Telling frances was the hard part, how do you tell some one or should I say show some one that this is our sons belly. Telling fran and sending her the photo was so hard, I didn't want to send it, but I had to. In that moment I wanted to protect her from the hurt she was about to feel, but I couldn't hide it from her.

Needlessly to say it was an upsetting call, for both of us really. As I left the hospital I just wanted some miracle to happen, I wanted him better and I wanted him home. 

This surgery was supposed to be the beginning of our journey home, but I knew this was going to be a long wait in London now as the wound was going to take time to heal.

1st July: still calm and relaxed on his morphine and fentynol, oliver was doing alright. Over night, early hours in the morning, Oliver had a small bowel movement of a poo like substance.

This was good news because it showed that the surgery was a success. Take away the image of his wound, everything was working as it should be.

They decided not to feed Oliver, this was due to 2 things. 1) his belly stuff was showing a green colour, so they had to fix this. 2) they didn't want to feed him as this would inflate his belly making it harder for his wound to heal.

They also done a bowel scan, to make sure everything was still attached as it should be. The scan showed the underneath of his wound was all good and that there was no build up of fluid. Upsettingly Oliver did cry as this scan made him so unsettled. Imagine having a scan over the wound in the picture above.

Anyway they dosed him with a boost of morphine just to settle him.

2nd July: After a good night's rest Oliver was showing his normal self, wiggling and pulling on his wires and tubes ect. He was also just on 21% oxygen, so this was a relief. He had also had 2 bowel movements during the night, this just went to show even tho the wound looked bad the rest of the surgery went well. 

He did however look so swollen and I just remember wishing it was me instead of him. Also back onto the high frequency ventilator as his blood gasses were not to good.

Giving Oliver comfort was the only thing I could do at this stage, I put my hand on his head and I just sat and spoke with him. I don't remember what crap I was coming out with, but I thought just me being there with the sound of my voice and stroking his head might help him relax even more.

Next, from bad to worse, belly picture. Warning ⚠️ graphic images next !